Dan Castellaneta

User:Dan Castellaneta (view source)

Revision as of 12:27, 24 April 2015

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Dan Castellaneta

ninja

158

edits

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+:'''Bart''': Dad, when did you record an album?
+:'''Homer''': I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only 8 years ago.
+:'''Bart''': Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago.
+:''[all Simpsons but Bart start laughing]''
+:'''Bart''': No really, I can't, it's a serious problem!
+:''[everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]''
+:'''Bart''': What're we all laughing about?
+:'''Homer''': Who cares?
+<hr width="50%"/>
 :''[Eddie and Lou interrogate Moe with a [[w:polygraph|lie detector]].]''
 :'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Eddie]]''': Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
@@ Line 110: / Line 119: @@
 :'''Legs''': The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender [[w:West Point, New York|West Point]] to the hated British?
 :'''Homer''': D'oh!
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Chief Wiggum]]''': I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against threatening letters.
+:'''Marge''': ''[indignantly]'' I'm pretty sure there is.
+:'''Wiggum''': Hah!  The day I take cop lessons from [[w:Ma Kettle|Ma Kettle]]...
+:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Eddie and Lou|Lou]]''': Hey, she's right, Chief. ''[shows Chief Wiggum a book called "Springfield Law"]''
+:'''Chief Wiggum''': Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. ''[camera pans to Eddie with squirrels in his pants while the other cops watch, laugh, and throw down change]'' Boys, knock it off! ''[the cops grumble and disperse while Eddie shakes the squirrels out of his pants]''
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Chief Wiggum''': Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and ''[winks]'' legal.
+:'''Homer''': Is that so? ''[yells out kitchen window]'' Oh, Flanders? Won't you join me in my kitchen? ''[Ned turns off the hose. Homer stands on the wall next to the kitchen arch, preparing to strike Flanders]'' Heh-heh-heh-heh...
+:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, it doesn't work when you invite 'em.
+:'''Ned''': Hidilly-hey!
+:'''Homer''': Go home.
+:'''Ned''': Toodledy-do!
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Chief Wiggum''': Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
+:'''Sideshow Bob''': ''[furious]'' '''''By Lucifer's beard!'''''
+:'''Chief Wiggum''': Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Man''': C'monn, leave town!
+:'''Bob''': No.
+:'''Man''': I'll be your friend?
+:'''Bob''': No.
+:'''Man''': Oh, you're mean!
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Male NRC agent''': Homer, this is an exact replica of your work station. Now we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector eight.
+:'''Homer''': What the hell are you talking about? What can I Do? What can I do? In the name of God, You've gotta tell me.
+:'''Male NRC agent''': Relax, It's just a simulator. nothing can go wrong.
+:'''Homer''': Just poke blindly on your controls until they let you go.
+:''[Homer manages to cause a meltdown]''
+:'''Male NRC agent''': No... No! This can't be Happening!
+:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns run to an escape pod. Burns seals the door; Smithers desperately pounds on it]''
+:'''Smithers''': For the love of God, Sir there are two Seats! ''[Burns reopens the door]''
+:'''Monty Burns''': I like to put my feet up.
+:''[Homer emerges from the crater, glowing a radioactive green.]''
+:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Raargh! Must...destroy...mankind! ''[his watch beeps]'' Ooh, lunchtime. ''[Homer shakes off the radiation and heads off]''
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Bart''': Take im away, boys.
+:'''Wiggum''': Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake im away, toys.
+:'''Lou''': What'd you say, chief?
+:'''Wiggum''': Do what the kid says.
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:''[After being told that preparations have been done for his birthday]''
+:'''Mr. Burns''': I won't get what I want.
+:'''Smithers''': No one does.
+:''[Smithers imagines Mr. Burns popping out of a birthday cake waring only a sash, a la [[Marilyn Monroe]].]''
+:'''Fantsy Mr. Burns''': ''[singing]'' Happy birthday mister Smithers.
+:'''Smithers''': MMMM..
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:''[Homer is doing comedy at Burns' party.]''
+:'''Homer''': Are you ready to to laugh?
+:'''Man in Audience''': Ugh, that poor dog.
+:'''Homer''': I said, are you ready to laugh?!
+:'''Woman in Audience''': Quiet, you awful man!
+:'''Homer''': You know, Mr. Burns is ''so'' cheap--
+:'''Mr. Burns''': What?
+:'''Homer''': Er, I mean you know, Mr. Burns is so ''old''--
+:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[pounds the table]'' How ''dare you''!
+:'''Homer''': Woah! Tough crowd. Better bring out the big guns... ''[clears throat]'' Here's an impression of Mr. Burns that you might find, a little "cheeky".
+:''[Homer moons the crowd, revealing a face painted on his buttocks; everyone in the audience gasps]''
+:'''Homer:''' ''(mockingly)'' I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah! Do this, do that, blah, blah, blah! I think I'm so big, blah blah ''blaaah!''
+:'''Mr. Burns''': Destroy him. ''[one of Burns' security staff whacks Homer over the head with a baton, leaving him unconscious]'' This party is over. ''[the security staff start attacking other party guests at random]''
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns are crawling across the ceiling of the Simpson home, using suction cups. They freeze when Homer walks to the refrigerator]''
+:'''Homer''': Mmmm... 64 slices of [[w:american cheese|american cheese]]. ''[sits at the table and begins eating one at a time]'' 64...63...''[Time passes to morning]'' 2...1.
+:'''Marge''': ''[entering]'' Have you been up all night eating cheese?
+:'''Homer''': I think I'm blind.
+:''[Smithers and Mr. Burns fall the the floor and get up]''
+:'''Mr. Burns''': Good day to you.
+:''[They both leave]''
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Barney The Dinosaur:''' Two plus two is four... two plus two is four... two plus two is four.
+:'''Homer:''' Hehehe. I can see why this is so popular.
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:''[In Hell Labs Ironic Punishment Division, Homer is strapped to a chair where a blue demon arrives]''
+:'''Blue Demon''': So you like donuts, eh.
+:'''Homer''': Uh-huh.
+:'''Blue Demon''': Well have all the donuts in the world.
+:''[He starts laughing as Homer is force fed donuts. Minutes later, it's revealed this torture has backfired as Homer still hasn't had enough.]''
+:'''Homer''': More.
+:'''Blue Demon''': I don't understand it. [[:w:James Coco|James Coco]] went mad in 15 minutes.
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
+:'''Homer''': We pay $8.00 for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer.
+:'''Lionel Hutz''': Three.
+:'''Homer''': Two.
+:'''Lionel Hutz''': Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage.
+:'''Homer''': Done.
+:'''Lionel Hutz''' ''(to himself)'': Still got it!
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:''[While looking for a peanut under the couch, Homer pulls out a 20 dollar bill]''
+:'''Homer''': Awww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut.
+:'''Homer's Brain''': Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
+:'''Homer''': Explain how!
+:'''Homer's Brain''': Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
+:'''Homer''': Woo-hoo!
+:''[Homer starts running to the door, slips on the peanut he was looking for, and drops the money]''
+:'''Homer''': D'OH!
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[to Bart]'' And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.
+:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''[breaking a lamp]'' D'oh!
+:'''Bart''': Ay, caramba!
+:'''Marge''': ''[groans]''
+:'''[[w:Maggie Simpson|Maggie]]''': ''[sucks her pacifier]''
+:'''[[w:Ned Flanders|Flanders]]''': Hi-dilly-ho!
+:'''[[w:Barney Gumble|Barney]]''': ''[belches]''
+:'''[[w:Nelson Muntz|Nelson]]''': Ha, ha!
+:'''[[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': Excellent.
+:''[Long pause. Everyone looks expectantly at Lisa.]
+:'''Lisa''': If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]
+:'''Homer''': What kind of catchphrase is that?
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:''[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]''
+:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
+:'''Company Agent''': Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
+:'''Krusty''': ''[satisfied]'' I like, I like!
+:'''Aide''': This just came in over the wires, Big K! ''[hands him a paper sheet]''
+:'''Krusty''': ''[reading]'' "[[w:1984 Summer Olympics boycott|Soviet boycott]], U.S. unopposed in most events". How does this affect our giveaway?
+:'''Company Agent''': Let's see. ''[punches numbers into a calculator]'' You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars. ''[Krusty sobs]''
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''TV Announcer''': Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
+:'''Krusty''': ''[furious]'' You people are pigs!! ''[sobs]'' I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
+:'''Homer''': ''[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers]'' I like those odds.
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Pepi''': Your son Bart sounds very bad.
+:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh, he is.
+:''[Fantasy sequence: Homer and Bart sit at the breakfast table.]''
+:'''Homer''': Son, I just want to say that I love you very much.
+:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': [[w:The Public Enemy|''[picks up his grapefruit and hits Homer's face with it]'' Shut up!]]
+:''[Back in reality.]''
+:'''Homer''': Mmmm.... grapefruit.
+<hr width=50%>
+:'''[[w:Kent Brockman|Kent Brockman]]''': This just in, a fist-fight is in process in downtown Springfield. Initial reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. ''[shot of Godzilla appears in the background.]'' Do we have a source on this?  Uh-huh, a bunch of drunken frat boys.  All right, we could use some names.  "I.P Freely"-- ''[realizes]''  Uh... grrr!
 A page full of quotes. Don't judge.