User:Dan Castellaneta: Difference between revisions
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(A page full of quotes. Don't judge.) |
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:'''Moe''': Yeah, not no more, it ain't. ''[throws the record out the window which lands into Smithers' car]'' | :'''Moe''': Yeah, not no more, it ain't. ''[throws the record out the window which lands into Smithers' car]'' | ||
:'''Smithers''': Ow! ''[looks at the record]'' Ohhh. | :'''Smithers''': Ow! ''[looks at the record]'' Ohhh. | ||
:'''Homer''': Oh, I hope I haven't upset you... bongo-head! | |||
:''[starts playing the bongos on Burns' head]'' | |||
:'''Mr. Burns''': Oh, I should be resisting this, but I'm paralyzed with rage... and island rhythms. | |||
:''[Homer drives through the plant and everyone cheers as Homer continues playing]'' | |||
:'''Carl''': Yeah, way to play the boss's head like a bongo, Homer! | |||
:'''Lenny''': He's getting a pretty good sound out of that guy. | |||
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:'''Homer''': Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job. | |||
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[driving by]'' Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer. | |||
:'''Homer''': ''[thinking about his new job]'' Thank you, thank you very much. It is nice work. | |||
:''[Kwik-E-Mart]'' | |||
:'''Apu''': Oh Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir. | |||
:'''Homer''': ''[still oblivious]'' It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money. | |||
:''[Moe's Tavern]'' | |||
:'''Moe''': Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant. | |||
:'''Homer''': ''[confused]'' This is getting very abstract, but thank you, I do enjoy working at the bowling alley. | |||
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:'''Homer''': ''[barges door]'' Man, it's windy as hell out there! ''[notices baby shower]'' Hey, wait a minute. What are all these presents? It looks like you're... showering Marge with gifts... hmm, ''[examines a piece of baby clothes]'' with little, tiny baby-sized gifts. ''[little oblivious]'' Well... I'll be in the tub. ''[walks upstairs]'' | |||
:'''Maude Flanders''': By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer. | |||
:'''Homer''': New job..? ''Marge is pregnant?! [snap one hair off] NO! ''[laughs hysterically]'' ''[runs upstairs] | |||
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:'''Homer''': Oh, you're pregnant! That means we're gonna have to have a baby. All our financial plans are ruined! We're doomed! Doomed, I tells ya! | |||
:''[He lets out a scream as his head swells like a balloon and then pops. Cut to the present]'' | |||
:'''Marge''': Bart, let your father tell the story! | |||
:'''Homer''': Yeah! | |||
:'''Bart''': Okay, but I know funny. | |||
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:''[Homer is trying to think of a way to increase business at the bowling alley]'' | |||
:'''Homer''': Of course! | |||
:''[Cut to outside the bowling alley, Homer is firing a shotgun into the air while people around him run away, screaming]'' | |||
:'''Homer''': Bowling! Bowling here! Get your bowling! Who's ready? Bowling! | |||
:'''Lisa''': ''[in the present]'' Mom, make Dad tell the story right! | |||
:'''Marge''': That's what really happened. | |||
:'''Lisa''': Oh. | |||
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:''[At the hospital, Mayor Quimby holds a newborn child in his arms while the mother (a young woman) rests.]'' | |||
:'''[[w:Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]''': This is incredible. It's God's most wondrous miracle. | |||
:'''Nurse''': Sir, I think your wife wants to hold the baby. | |||
:'''Mayor Quimby''': My wife? Where? Where?! ''[runs off in a panic]'' | |||
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:''[Homer holds Maggie for the first time.]'' | |||
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Awww, it's a boy. ''[looking down]'' And what a boy! | |||
:'''[[w:Julius Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Uh... that's the umbilical cord; it's a girl. | |||
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:''[Krusty is doing a lecture on clown pants]'' | |||
:'''Krusty''': Okay, we'll start off with baggy pwha –? Those are supposed to be baggy pants. '''''BAGGY!''''' | |||
:'''Homer''': Ohh! I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life. | |||
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:''[Krusty is doing a lecture on balloons]'' | |||
:'''Krusty''': These Krusty brand balloons are 3 bucks each. Get a cheap one, and what happens? Goes off! Takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What's ''that'' gonna cost ya? ''[to his accontant]'' Hey, Bill, what'd that cost us? | |||
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:'''Krusty the Clown''': Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, the party's over, right? Wrong! | |||
:''[throws pie into dowager's face; her head cracks the wall]'' | |||
:'''Homer''': ''[takes notes]'' Kill, Wealthy, Dowager. | |||
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:'''Accountant''': Let me get this straight. You took all the money you made franchising your name, and bet it ''against'' the Harlem Globetrotters? | |||
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty the Clown]]''': Ohh, I thought the Generals were due. ''[TV shows a Globetrotter spinning the ball as Generals watch]'' He spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take the ball! ''[the Globetrotter kicks it into the net behind him]'' That game was fixed. They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sakes. | |||
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:''[Homer is using a pickaxe to punch holes in the hood of his car]'' | |||
:'''Ned Flanders''': Whatcha diddly doin', neighbor? | |||
:'''Homer''': I'm puttin' speed holes in my car; makes it go faster. | |||
:'''Ned''': Is that so? Well, gee, maybe the old Flanders mobile could use-- ''[Ned is shot, falls to the ground]'' Agghh! ''[gets back up]'' Wow, lucky I always keep a Bible close to my heart and-- ''[Ned is shot again]'' D'a-oh! ''[gets back up]'' Ho-ho-hoh, lucky I was wearing this extra-large piece of the true cross today. I think I'll go inside. ''[runs with Bible. A bullet hits the pickaxe causing the head to spin]'' | |||
:'''Homer''': What keeps doing that? ''[to a limo]'' | |||
:'''Fat Tony''': I told you we should have bought more than three bullets. Lets just grab 'em. | |||
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:''[Homer has been abducted by the Springfield mafia on the mistaken basis he is Krusty, who owes debts.]'' | |||
:'''Homer''': But wait, you can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson! | |||
:'''[[w:Fat Tony|Fat Tony]]''': The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club? | |||
:'''Homer''': Uh... actually my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble! | |||
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Legs and Louie|Legs]]''': The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister? | |||
:'''Homer''': Uh... actually my real name is uh... think Krusty, think... [[w:Joe Valachi|Joe Valachi]]! | |||
:'''[[w:List of recurring characters in The Simpsons#Legs and Louie|Louie]]''': The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime? | |||
:''[While being lead into the mobsters club]'' | |||
:'''Homer''': [[w:Benedict Arnold|Benedict Arnold]]! | |||
:'''Legs''': The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender [[w:West Point, New York|West Point]] to the hated British? | |||
:'''Homer''': D'oh! | |||
A page full of quotes. Don't judge. | A page full of quotes. Don't judge. | ||