User:Dan Castellaneta
- [Eddie and Lou interrogate Moe with a lie detector.]
- Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
- Moe: No. [buzz, red light] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him! [ding, green light]
- Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
- Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] A date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog! [buzz] Sears catalog. [ding] Now, would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
- [Tuesday. The Simpsons are driving up a long mountain road to Mr. Burns' summer house]
- Homer: Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there.
- Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
- Homer: D'oh!
- [Wednesday]
- Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but were finally almost there again.
- Marge: When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?
- Homer: D'oh, d'oh!
- [Thursday. The family is indifferent about the trip and they aren't saying anything]
- Lisa: [gasps] Oh, no! We left Grandpa back at the gas station! [no reaction] What about Grandpa?
- Kent Brockman: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... possibly because it was harassed, we don't know. Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. So, let's turn it on. Now, this technology is new to me, but, I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. (closeup of a turkey in a rotisserie) His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees; he's literally stewing in his own juices. [in the TV studio] Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll: 95% of the people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. Of course, this is just a television poll which is not legally binding, unless Proposition 304 passes; and we all pray it will.
- Moe: [to Homer] And I'm pulling your favorite song out of the jukebox.
- Homer: "It's Raining Men"?!
- Moe: Yeah, not no more, it ain't. [throws the record out the window which lands into Smithers' car]
- Smithers: Ow! [looks at the record] Ohhh.
A page full of quotes. Don't judge.